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Bloody Regrets
For those that know, Jan commited suicide by swallowing a bottle of Cough syrup and in the current event Eclipse has his paws on the dream world and torturing everyone, so He has decided to make her regret her death by making her cough up/puke up mass amounts of blood. 
Jan's Nightmares
Jan's Nightmare is that her Attacker comes back to finish the act, he never finished the assault and she's terrfied of him coming back to hurt her
I know i'm pretty messed up, Oh well .3.  


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Jan's Nightmare
****TRIGGER WARNING: PLEASE PROCEED WITH CAUTION depictions of Sexual Themes relating in nonconsenting acts, victimshaming, self harm and suicide mentions****

Jan had fallen asleep in her bed and had been for a few hours.

She swapped from dream to dream it never seemed like they finished in one way or another, her mind seeming to jump from place to place. One dream would lead into the next at the turn of the head.

But the one to wake her was something frightful, absolutely frightening.

Jan seemed to wake at a party back down at earth, her appearance taking to younger self. her dark blonde hair left loose with dark red tips, upon noticing her younger do' she rushed into the bathroom of the large house.
Upon seeing herself at her current age, she cocked her head in confusion, she would run her fingers down the glass of the mirror and then along her upper arms. She was real? Sure felt like it, it only added to her confusion.

"D-Did I survive my attempt?? I've just been in a coma? Was the dream world just that?? A dream? This is so come I only come to now." She thought to herself and shook it off, but soon fell into her thoughts.

"I was sure that the cough syrup would kill me, it just doesn't make sen-" Her thoughts were interrupted by a melodic and cheerful voice.

"Janni!" A brown haired girl looked at her looking at her

"Hey Sabine." She replied to the shorter girl,peering across the bathroom, this place looked familiar

"Treading that old style again, eh Jan?" Sabine giggles getting on her tip toes and fuzzing up her hair.

"I guess so, Do you remember what happened for the past little while." She said still under the impression that she had...somehow survived drinking a whole bottle of cough syrup.

"You don't remember? Wow, that syrup really messed you up huh? Anyways! Me and Ezekiel got so worried about you and we had came to the consensus to call the police, and.." She stopped for a moment,holding back tears.

"..They found you barely breathing and the medics said you had little chance of pulling through, but they pumped your stomach and kept you alive and eventually you came through." She said, taking a breath.

Jan felt terrible she had done this to her friend and god only knows how Nate and Rebecca had reacted...her thoughts broken by her friends voice.

"You gave us the biggest scare! But were so glad you survived January." She said grabbing her friends arm.

"What went on til' this point I don't really remember anything past discharge." She said lying but kinda made presumptions of what happened, psyche ward stay, answering questionnaires and getting diagnosed with PTSD and Depression most likely.

"Well, you went into rehab to see what was damaged if anything, then you went on Paxil  then Prozac then Lexapro which seems to help you now, we finished school." She said

"We came to party to finally have some fun, but you seemed to tread some ground from the past haha." She said turning around to walk out.

"Come on let's have some fun and have a few drinks." She smiled looking back at Jan.

"I'm coming." Jan smiled looking around, she couldn't place where she was, but shrugged it off.

Jan looked around the room the found Rebecca and waved.
"Jan!" She called and pulled her into a hug.

"Great to see you here!" Rebecca said looking  back at Jan.

"Have you seen Zeke and Nate?" Jan asked her friend.

"Yeah, I have I last saw Zeke talking to some "hotties" that never turns out well and Nate was talking to the host." She said sipping her soda.

"Who's house is this?" She said smiling

"Andrews...I think." She said

Jan's heart dropped into the bottom of her stomach, she immediately felt sick and shook her head, Andrew was buddy buddy with her attacker Max, she prayed he wasn't here

"Jan, You OK?" Rebecca asked.

She took a deep breath, and nodded, walking away from Rebecca absentmindedly.

She would enjoy the party, talked to lots of people and ate quite a bit.

Upon walking with a cup of Jungle Juice and talking to Zeke, and laughing, she'd bump into a larger man, spilling the boozy drink all over him and herself.

Her head shot up to see Max, suddenly her worse fears were realized.

"No! Not again..." She thought before hearing his voice

"Not gonna say sorry, Typical..." He said looking down and seeing Jan

"Oh, Good to see you again Jan." He smiled then looked to Zeke, then simply walked away.

Zeke looked to Jan and saw her visibly shaken, and pulled her into a hug. "Its OK Janni my dear ~ just try and have fun." He said smiling, then walking away being distracted.

She would slowly forget about it and soon felt herself have fun again.

It'd be winding down for a little bit as food was growing scarce,so she would walk  up to the bathroom to check on her makeup and run her fingers through her hair,unaware of being followed.

As soon as she bounded the corner he pounced, grabbing the tiny girl by the torso and covering her mouth, pulling her into bedroom and throwing her onto the bed, forcing her underneath him.

Her heart was racing out of her chest and Her mind was going a hundred miles per hour, her throat tightening and her eyes brimming with tears.

He chuckled forcing his hand up her shirt and felt her bra underneath, before licking up her neck.

"Tell me Jan, you went from popular to the school tramp ~ how'd you manage that?" He knew full well that it was all his doing but he needed to hear the pain her voice, by going down memory lane.

"...You know what you did." She said in a moment of adrenaline, the pain not present in her voice.

He grabbed her again and sat her on his lap and began whispering into her ear.

"You're not very chatty with me...come on I know you're a social butterfly." He said groping her chest again.

"Well fuck off Max." She said losing the adrenaline and sounding scared.

"So lonely aren't you Jan." He chuckled, running his hands up her chest and stomach

" I'm not." She said shaking her head, trying to get up but only to  have max pull her back into his lap.

"Jan, do what I say or simply put I'll ruin you again." He said rubbing her back and gave her a sinister smile.

She cooperated with Max and sat on his lap,refusing to look him in the eye

"If you weren't so lonely then why try to end your lovely life January?"  He taunted, he knew that she never did like people besides her friends and family using her full name

"It was cause of you, you made me out to be a whore, and I wasn't, I'm still a virgin." She muttered and hid her face trying not to cry.

He pulled up the girls sleeves and smirked,seeing the scars from her self harming.

"What are those!? You didn't really cut yourself did you!? You're so pathetic! No wonder you're so useless. Totally a bad lay." He smirked.

"HOW WOULD YOU KNOW!? I NEVER HAD SEX WITH YOU..." She yelled then calming herself down. "Why did you lie to everyone about what happened...why did no one believe me and Sabine..." She said on the brink of crying.

He was pleased with how this was going, she was putty in her hands.

"To prop myself up, you were the few virgins worth deflowering, and your social status would prove helpful to me,I had to brag about  how much of a slut you were, and you were a freak in bed, hehe." He said grabbing her chin and bringing it closer to his mouth, then pulled away, returning his hand on her upper thigh.  "And there's nothing you can do~ you've fallen from grace and you'll be the little slut who called rape.." He said licking his lips. "A silly slut who didn't like where the sex is going." He snickered

Jan held her head down, feeling just as useless to stop the destruction the first time, she didn't respond to him, her eyes fixated on her shoes, listening to the torture that he was spewing.

She couldn't hold it back anymore and started crying, She was at the end of this discussion, she looked around and sighed.

"Why are you doing this..." Jan said looking down defeated.

"I wanted to break you again, before i finish you off, you're annoying friend stopped me." He smiled.

She felt fear wash over her body and she, without thinking stood up and began walking off,almost running catching Max off guard for a moment before grabbing her and pulling her back.

Jan looked up at him and cried out "Don't hurt me!"

He chuckled "Don't worry...It'll be Okay." He said pushing her down on the bed and followed suit, unbuckling his belt...
Jan sprang up from her bed to see the dream world again and sighed, starting to sob loudly bringing all her stuffed animals to her chest.

"It's....Just a dream, thank god." She said inbetween sobs and the falling of her fresh warm tears.

Jan's body would relax after awhile as her body memory and trigger would fade.

and pretty soon, would begin her day.
EVENT 7: DARK DREAMS Jans Nightmare
The author does not condone anything depicted in the story and is simply a work of fiction 

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She has had enough, this crippling loneliness this pain and suffering and for what? She gained very little in her suffering. She was gonna do it she walked in the kitchen and grabbed her Paring knife, and looked at it.

She originally wanted to die by blood loss but now was reconsidering the method, her mind swirled with the thought of how downhill her life had gone from one night.

It wasn't bad enough to almost be raped but to have the perpetrator lie about how she just jumped into his crotch and have multiple guys try and angle the same result.

"I never should've went to the fucking thing...too late now." She said putting the knife down and began looking around for another method.
She began crying again, feeling the hands all over her from him feeling the breath on her skin. It made her absolutely sick.

"Why was I so naive...I never should've isolated myself! " She screamed, punching a wall a few times before falling to the ground in a hearty cry.

"Why...couldn't I get the courage to speak up? Why did I let him demonize me! Why..." Her voice trailed...

She felt her throat tighten as she screamed "I wasn't a goddamned slut! I didn't want any of this...I should be over this...its not like he actually did it..." She sobbed heavily scratching at her wrists gently.

She felt her body tense up, and she felt the need to hurt less,so she got up,shakily and walked up to her school bag.

"Ugh, I need to cut..." She said clutching her bag and grabbing a plastic container and raced up to the bathroom and turned of the water and started to undress as the tub filled up with water.

Holding the razor in her fingers she sighed "One last dance my friend." She said sitting in the warm water and began to drag it along her thigh, the skin slicing beneath her fingers gave her an almost euphoric pain as she just kept going, making cuts all over her thigh and hip, the blood being washed away with the water, the waters heat also stung the wound giving her more of an incentive to keep going.

She sobbed in both the mental pain and physical pain,the cuts making her feel better and calmed her down slightly, sitting there riding the pain out,the heat both comforted and stung her as soon as the water stopped stinging her she would get out the water.

She wrapped the towel around her as she walked to the closet and grabbing the first aid,sinking into her room and sighed.

Freeing the towel from her body she placed it on the bed,sitting on it as she opened the kit and grabbed the gauzes and peroxide. It was her usual routine cut, clean up and get on with it.

She opened the bottle and grabbed a cotton ball from a bag and tipped the liquid onto the cotton, running it along the slices in her legs, stinging and foaming up as they cleaned them up further than plain water. Once she was happy with it she would wrap the dressing around her leg, taping it on after wards. She placed band-aids on the cuts on her hips.

She got up and ruffled through a drawer grabbing a plain medium blue and white nightie and dark blue pj pants with white snowflakes on them.

She unfolded the pants and gently put them on, then put the nighty on, before pushing herself up and back into the bathroom.

Grabbing the bloodied blade first she turned on the water in the sink and ran it across the sharpened metal cutting through the blood and dropping onto the porcelain underneath. Once all he blood was cleaned off she wiped it off with a face cloth as she walked downstairs, putting the blade back in and put the box back in the deepest part of her bag.

She no longer felt the grip of suicidal ideation on her mind, she felt strangely calm.

She'd sit on the couch, soon laying on it, her back facing the couch as she as again locked in her head, replaying the event over and over in her head. What she could've done, what she should've done. What signs she missed, she was just swirling with thoughts.

She tried to distract herself in a bunch of different ways.

Talk radio, her music, TV, Internet, video games, books. Nothing seemed to soothe her racing thoughts.

She picked up her phone and started texting, hopefully getting comfort would solve her aches.

It didn't seem to help at all, in fact it seemed to depress her further, her friends although in good intentions, made it worse for her to deal with her depression.

She would take her phone and walk back upstairs to originally to go bed,but quickly began to pace, working herself up further.

That night was all she could think about, tears began to run down her face and her breathing became erratic.

She let out a scream and her body twitched as she had a body memory and  she bawled her heart out, clutching at her chest, she couldnt stop crying no matter what she did,so she let it all go.

She clutched her phone and wept a bit before walking into the bathroom again, sitting on the edge of the tub, looking at the clock on her phone

"11:21" She said, maybe she should go to bed? Maybe that'll help? She didn't know and at this point didn't care to find out either, she wanted this pain to end, she was dying for it she felt so alone, so helpless, so...worthless. So many things she couldn't shake off about herself made all the worse for herself.

She was done, just so fucking done with this fight in her head. Meds weren't working, support wasn't working, therapy was not working. How could she win this? She couldn't win this, she lost and now she was done with life.

She opened her messenger and put an abrupt goodbye to everyone in her contacts, before getting up.

She reached for the medicine cabinet and pulled out an almost full bottle of cough syrup, and nodded, walking back to her room.

She sat on her bed as she phone blew up. A lot were asking if she was ok, and a few wishing her a goodnight.

She didn't reply, she had been asked that so many times the phrase had lost all meaning, and to be honest was kinda a cop out.

She opened the bottle and stared at the red fluid and smiled, before putting it down and smiled looking under her bed for her pencil case and binder.

She ripped a page out and took out a pen and began to write an emotionally fueled note saying.

"I am sorry, I know I'll hurt people with my death. August, I'm sorry you couldn't protect your little sister but I'm consumed by pain and suffering. June, Julius, Mae and November I'm sorry girls I know it'll hurt but I need you to be strong for mom and dad okay? And little one March  I'm sorry you won't get the chance to grow up with me but it was for the best.
Sabine, Rebecca, Zeke and Nathaniel I'm sorry, for how abrupt this all seems but I hurt too much.
I believe you deserve to know why, at the first party I went to at 15 I was almost raped. And I can't fucking deal with it anymore. Ask Sabine for details, I really can't tell you...
If I can make a request for a burial instead of a cremation. I'd be happy to know my body is intact after death.

I'm sorry...

Goodbye and goodnight,

She set it down on her nightstand and with one action grabbed the bottle and chugged it down, every last drop. The action being done seemed to calm her down, it was all over thank god.

She fell back onto the bed clutching the bottle,her smile began to show again, a genuine smile. It was over.

She brought her stuffed animals close to her. Now she just needed to wait until death consumed her, and soon enough her eyelids free heavy, her breathing slowed and seemed. She was at peace.
Lonely-Dreamers: Jan's Suicide
I feel the need to point out that this is a total work of fiction and the author has no intent of ending it. This is how one of my characters passed away

Well here's my first thing really dealing with L-D and here we go. Jan committed suicide and now lives in the dream world. Here's and account of how it went down


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KnoxyB Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2015  Student General Artist
thank you so much for the watch~~ ^^
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CelineDGD Featured By Owner Sep 19, 2015

Hello there awesome stranger. :3 *I clicked on the random deviant button. ;)*
I am only passing by to spread the love. <3

You are beautiful and important, no matter what people say. <3 And never forget, when you feel useless, remember that you are someone else's reason to smile and to love life. <3 So thank you for existing, gorgeous. :love:

Have a hug too. :hug:

Have a wonderful day/evening/night. :3
Sincerely, CelineDGD,
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InfernoNick Featured By Owner May 25, 2015
happy b-day o no/
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I just love that webcam
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Happy Birthday!
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Happy Birthday!
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happy early birthday ^^
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I just noticed that there is a plz where falling wolfs name is in your ID
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I sent you the note Beatuifully Dark. Just waiting for you to note me back if you can. XD
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Webcam:Oh I saw that episode 2 weeks ago
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